


All I Have Left of You

by BlueJay26



Series: Marvel Angst [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Character Death, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Hurt, Peter-centric, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:56:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28932900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueJay26/pseuds/BlueJay26
Summary: How Peter deals with losing his father figure, and how, sometimes, he doesn't deal.
Relationships: Harley Keener & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Peter Parker & Pepper Potts, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Marvel Angst [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2198136
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	All I Have Left of You

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a tiktok that said Peter will never know he was the reason Tony invented time travel, so of course I had to write a fic revolving around that picture.
> 
> First time writing for this fandom, sorry about any mistakes.
> 
> This diverts from Far From Home canon, but I never liked that movie anyway.
> 
> If anyone wants a sequel, I'm open to requests.

Peter gets home one day and there’s a package on the dining table. _I think Tony would have wanted you to have this._ It’s the internship picture, framed. The one with them holding the certificate upside down, where Peter overestimated how tall Tony was. He has to lock himself in his room for a while after opening it. Everything hurts a little too much. 

He keeps it on his desk, next to a lego figurine of Iron Man Tony had chucked at him once. Sometimes it’s face down, other times it sits upright, watching over him. Sometimes Tony’s death is still too painful to think about. Sometimes it feels like Tony is watching his progress with the suit and all his other projects. Still, no matter what, it never leaves his desk.

 _It isn’t fair,_ Peter thinks, _That I can’t talk to him right now. He’d know how to solve this, he’d tell me what to do. Better yet, he’d tell me to stay out of it and fix it himself._ He bangs his head against the desk, not caring if May hears. What’s the point anyway? He could scream as loud as he could and it wouldn’t bring Tony back.

He lets his head rest on his arms a little longer, feeling a few tears slip out. Then he sits up, wipes his eyes, presses two fingers to the picture and goes back to work. He knows what Tony would do. Tony would blast music and drown in it, not think about anything but science for a while. But Peter can’t do that, can’t shut the grief out like it’s a stray cat.

So he lets it carry him. Instead of burying it in a vibranium safe, he yanks it out, makes it his motive. Promises himself and the picture - the only tangible thing of Tony’s he has left - that he will not let Tony’s sacrifice go to waste. That whatever he does will be sure to make Tony proud.

And Peter’s never been particularly religious. He prefers to believe in the inherent goodness of humans over an invisible deity hanging around in the sky. _But_ , he thinks, _if anyone deserved to go to heaven it was Tony Stark. If not heaven, he at least deserves peace, and the chance to watch his kids grow up._ Peter clings to that, the wisp of hope that maybe Tony’s watching him. Maybe what he does now will make up for all the times he disappointed Tony in the past.

He wonders how many nights he’s going to have an idea and start swinging out his bedroom window before remembering there’s no one who’ll listen. The only person who cared is gone. Of course, he pretended not to, but the next day there’d be a pamphlet in his bag to help with the new project. He misses being told to watch out for runaway dogs and to help old ladies cross the road. He’d give anything to have Tony call him just to yell at him, because at least he’d hear his voice. He lies in bed at night, finger hovering over his emergency call button, even though it’s been changed to Pepper’s number.

She’s been good to him. Calling him over for meals, letting him borrow stuff from Tony’s workshop, telling him to _sit, relax, the world won’t end if you take a day off._ It’s so similar to what she used to say to Tony, and he wonders if she sees it. Sees how Peter loves it when she does that, because it makes him feel closer to him. Although, if Tony were alive, he’d tell Peter to never emulate him, despite being one of the best men Peter knew. 

He sits with Morgan sometimes. Lets her ask all the questions she should ask Tony. _Can the orbit of earth change? How? Can I be Iron Man one day? How is Mom? I think she’s sad, what about you?_ And Peter answers them as best as he can, trying desperately not to think how much better Tony would have been at this. Morgan doesn’t mind though.

She’s happy to drag him to the park on days he doesn’t feel like talking, just gets on a swing and waits till he pushes her. She’s even happier when she can sit and watch him while he fixes the suit or tinkers with his laptop. She’s so young, and already she understands grief in ways most adults never have. _It’s no world for a child to grow up in_ , Peter thinks, hammering furiously at something, just to get the anger out. Morgan sits on the stairs, watching him and sucking on a lollipop.

He makes friends with the strange quiet boy from the funeral. More like, Harley makes friends with him. He comes over at all hours, offering takeout and silent company and understanding. Peter doesn’t know how he can stand it, the void that’s appeared now that Tony’s gone. But then he realises, he can’t either. Harley is hurting as much as Peter, but he’s burying his feelings to be there for Peter.

After that, Peter stops shutting him out. Is there for Harley the same way Harley’s there for him. Doesn’t flinch when the tears come pouring out, when it feels like neither of them will stop. Then they pull themselves together and go get one of the cartons of ice cream May has taken to keeping around. It’s not much, but it’s something. And maybe after that, they play around with web fluid and lego. And pretend everything’s okay.

Through it all, Tony watches Peter from his desk, holding a piece of paper upside down. It shouldn’t mean so much, but it does. It does, because Peter knows what he said right after. Knows he’ll treasure those words for the rest of his life. _I’m proud of you, son. You’re doing great._ Then he’d walked away, calling for his car, so Peter understands how much those words meant. How much it had taken for Tony to say them.

It isn’t getting better, there’s still a gaping hole that only Tony can fill. But everyday it gets a little easier to handle. The hole isn’t getting any smaller, but Peter’s building around it. Maybe, one day, it will fill up and there’ll only be a slight dent where it used to be. Not yet. Not today. Today he’ll take Morgan to the park and eat ice cream with Harley and have dinner with Pepper and Morgan.

And Pepper will say _come and eat, I ordered pizza._ And Harley will say _you’re sitting on the wrench, idiot._ And Morgan will say _higher higher, I want to fly._ And just before going to sleep, he’ll press two fingers to the picture on his desk because how else can he tell Tony that they’re helping each other? That he was their catalyst, and now he’s gone they’re moving at a snail’s pace, but they’re moving? How else can he tell Tony anything, if not through a picture that Tony framed, that Pepper sent him, that he loves?

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading


End file.
